Learning in the Valleys

Alright guys, this post is gonna be the opposite of the last one...I had a bad day today. Well it started out great, but around1pm ish I started feeling very tired. I was feeding the babies when a thought popped into my head "why am I here, I don't even like this anymore". Now I know in my heart that this is a COMPLETE lie, but I bothered the heck out of me. So I finished feeding the babies and went back to my room. I didn't feel like helping anyone with anything so I popped The Lion King into my laptop, thinking "this will make me feel better for sure". I watched some, and then it was 3:30 feeding time again, so I went downstairs to help. As soon as I got into the room, I got a terrible headache and my body started aching. I blamed it on lack of water today and decided that after the feeding I would go drink some water. I grabbed a baby and started feeding again, and the headache and voice in my head telling me lies wouldn't go away. I fed another baby, and then I decided to go upstairs for a nap. I chatted with Carol for a bit while she was on her way to work and then to Erik before he went to work. And I broke down, I blamed my crying on my headache and homesickness. I just sat on my bed and cried. I told God that I am sick of feeling this way. I told Him that I feel useless and homesick. I hate feeling like this and I want it to change. Then I realized, this only happened when I distanced myself from God. I was reading and praying but it was like I was going through the motions. I am not a doctor, so I have no idea if that is what made me sick, but I know that God used that time to sit me down and get me to talk to Him in a real way. I wish I could tell you that I felt better after, but I still feel sick. I feel better spiritually!! which is awesome, but my body has the flu. I have a fever and chills....something I never thought would happen in Africa!! Who gets cold here?! haha. I tried to have a nap but I was too cold even with the blankets on. I won't feed the babies tonight, as I don't want to get them sick, but hopefully I feel better in the morning.

A wise man once said "Rach, while you are sleeping you have a whole group of people praying for you as they go about their day."

I wanted to share with you my struggles, and ask for prayer for my body as well as my heart and spiritual body. Thank you for reading this, and thank you for praying.

Love: Rachel